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This is a no-holds-barred, bare-it-all solidarity-seeking attempt. You wake up every day exhaling a supernatural prayer to inhale supernatural peace and supernatural strength, because it’s harder than hell to navigate this dark and untrodden road. Or the worst, to flat out accuse you of totally sucking as a parent. And if you let them in on it, they don’t believe you or think you’re just not trying hard enough. So we’re scared to speak up or reach out, because it’s often better just to suffer alone than have it piled on by others too.

This is for you, adoptive parents of trauma kids, because you are most definitely NOT alone. You are depressed because darkness and strife have taken over your previously semi-docile home. having to gather up your littles and leave the house in a moment’s notice—But the eggshells are a guarantee. You try to explain to your relatives what it’s really like to live with this child, but they don’t get it. Forget the fact that your other kids are perfectly decent, kind individuals (most of the time).

And know that if you choose to engage in activities and behavior that the parents feel is detrimental to their child’s longterm healing, you are forsaking a friendship for your own feelings.

Your best intentions might be the worst of devastations. And the thousands of others committed from the beginning thank you as well.

That you’ve dropped everything for their redemption.

That you have spent countless hours and dollars on therapy and treatment and hospital stays and literature and counseling and so on. They don’t understand that adopted kids of trauma are often the most master of manipulators.

You are scared because you never know what the day will hold—violent threats? Forget that you used to be esteemed as a wonderful parent. Loneliness is not tied to relationship status, and it’s a fallacy to assume that marriage or cohabitation is the solution.Ask anyone who’s been in an unhappy, non-communicative marriage. You wanted to make an impact for eternity on the life of someone who needed you to step up. But right now you’re crying out and screaming because you don’t even think you can make it through today. And you are sure to come out on the other side someday with fewer friends, less pretense, and more grit. You were never guaranteed the outcome, but that doesn’t change the kind of warrior you are.




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